


All My Love Is Yours

by magsworld



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, First Kiss, First Love, M/M, Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:09:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28834656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magsworld/pseuds/magsworld
Summary: Yuuri reflects on his first kiss with Victor.Diary style POV
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri & Victor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 6
Kudos: 38





	All My Love Is Yours

The public thinks that the first time Victor kissed me was in the ice rink, but that isn’t true. The first time Victor kissed me was actually a lot more private than that. For starters, it was just the two of us, late one evening sitting side by side in the hot springs my family operates. I don’t remember the exact events leading up to it, but I do know that we were in the middle of a conversation when I felt him start to lose focus. He had stopped talking and furrowed his brow. It was an adorable expression that I knew to mean he had forgotten his train of thought. I remember smiling at him, seeing the reflection of the roof lights shimmer in his eyes. The next thing I knew, he was leaning forward, brushing his lips against mine. 

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can still feel the effects of that very first kiss. His lips had sent a surge of electricity through my entire body. I felt every nerve inside of me awaken and catch fire. The kiss was beautiful, sweet, and simple. And though it was unexpected, it felt like something I had actually been waiting for. Something I had been working towards without even knowing it. It felt right. It felt… fated. 

Victor had pulled back first, seemingly unsure of what my reaction would be. I knew my entire face was flushed pink, but I wasn’t expecting to see that his was as well. Something about the blush on his neck and the concern in his eyes made me lean forward and kiss him back, and when our lips met the second time he moved in closer and put his arms around me. 

Before Victor, I had considered myself quite inexperienced when it came to the physical touches of intimacy. But lucky for us both, I’m a fast learner. When our kiss deepened, I followed Victor’s lead. When he opened his mouth, I did the same. When his tongue ran alongside mine I matched its pattern, and when his hand moved up my spine and to my hair, my hands traced his arms and up his face. It was so easy to get lost in the moment. So easy to lose myself in Victor’s warm embrace. 

Even when my heart rate spiked and I felt myself losing breath, I clung to him. When our eyes met next it was as if one thousand butterflies exploded in my stomach simultaneously. He looked at me with such love, such devotion that I could’ve died right then and been satisfied. 

“Yuuri,” Victor said, and I’ll never forget the gentle way in which he leaned forward and brushed my cheek with his fingertips. “Do you love me?”

It was a question that didn’t require any thought. It was the most obvious thing to me in the world. Even when I didn’t love skating, even when I was depressed and overcome with my own insecurities, the one thing that shone brightly in my life had always been my love and admiration for Victor Nikiforov. It was that light that got me out of my funk in the first place. That light that grew brighter and brighter until it became my North Star leading me to a new definition of home. “Of course, I do.”

“No, Yuuri...” he said. “I mean, are you in love with me? Is what we have between us as real for you as it is for me?”

I’m not sure there’s anything in my life that would make me forget those words and the way in which he spoke them. I was still breathing heavily, my body still tingling with sensation, and he was still cradling my face, looking at me with the rooftop lights in his ocean eyes. 

“Yes, Victor,” I pulled his hand off of my cheek and brought it in front of my lips. I kissed the back of each one of his fingers as I stared into that sparkling ocean. “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love you, but recently that love has changed and grown into something new.” 

Victor’s gaze was so intense that for a moment I felt we were someplace else. The only time I ever held Victor’s gaze like that, was in the ice rink, when I danced, and skated, and moved… just for him. The confidence his mere attention gave and still gives me is some kind of magic that I don’t think I’ll ever understand. 

“I’m not sure when exactly it shifted,” I told him. “One moment you were the reason I wanted to skate, and then next you became the reason I wanted to get up in the morning.” 

Victor had inhaled and brought our foreheads together. It was the kind of casual intimacy I was used to with him. Victor wore his emotions on his sleeve, so I always knew how he felt in certain moments. And in this one, I felt the same. 

“You are kind,” I said, “smart, adorable...” I could feel his smile growing in front of me, “you are strong and careful, patient and generous, and you are so, so funny.”

He laughed and our eyes met again. I remember his expression was more open than I had ever seen it, more vulnerable than I ever knew it. I felt so overcome by it that I kissed him again. To this day, I’m not sure where that courage and confidence came from. I just attribute it, as I do most things, to the wonderful man that is Victor Nikiforov. The man that showed up when I needed him, opened my eyes to exactly what it is that I wanted, and made me want to work harder than I ever had before to earn it. 

“Thank you,” Victor said in a soft voice, and I think I would’ve laughed if he hadn’t looked so sincere.

“Did you doubt I did?” I had asked, matching the softness. 

I remember the pink in his cheeks rising, his eyes shifting to the side. “A little,” he answered, and then I felt him move away from me. “Sometimes I touch you and you pull away. You can be hot and cold with me. It keeps me on my toes.”

“Me? Keep five-time-gold-medalist Victor Nikiforov on his toes?” 

“Yes!” is what he yelled, before splashing water at me. 

I splashed him back and before I knew it, we were both laughing. I probably should’ve apologized about being hot and cold. Maybe I would’ve if had known what to say. The truth is, I don’t know why sometimes I’m the person I want to be, and sometimes I’m not. My confidence is something that comes in waves. Certain situations, certain people, bring out different sides of me. It’s something I’m still working on. 

After our fit of splashing, Victor moved to get out of the water and I remembered one crucial fact of the current situation: we were both very, _very_ naked. 

I had kissed Victor twice while we were both naked! Who has a first kiss while naked?! Well, ok, I’m sure certain people do, but I am not one of those people! I could not get over it. I could not believe I forgot where we were or how we were clothed when I put my lips on his lips and ran my fingers up his arm – oh _god_ , I wanted to die!

But as I internally berated myself for my general lack of awareness, Victor stood up out of the water and my mind went blank. He moved slowly like he wanted me to watch his every move. I remember holding my breath as I saw the water run off his perfect body. The way the droplets trailed down the muscles of his back and hit his perfect round ass, made my throat go dry. It was all of a sudden too much. I looked away and shifted my legs to obscure my growing excitement.

That’s the thing with being with Victor – it’s too easy to get lost in the moment. He’s so welcoming and open and free that you don’t realize it’s contagious. When he put his arms around me, I put my arms around him. When he stripped his clothes off and ran into the hot springs, I did the same with a smile on my face and joy in my heart. I didn’t realize we were both naked because Victor lives his life without shame or insecurity. He wholly accepts himself, his body, the world he lives. He makes me want to live that way too. It was because of him that I started to come out of my shell, but at that moment, I wasn’t yet all the way out. 

“Yuuri,” Victor called, and when I looked up he was no longer naked. He had a robe hanging off his body and another in his hands. He made a motion for me to come to him and grab it, but I was suddenly feeling very shy around him. 

He made another motion to the robe, and I didn’t want to hide anymore. I told myself that if we could both walk in here together, we could both walk out. If I was a shy guy who just had moments of courage then I would call upon one of those moments now. 

I steeled my nerves and imagined I was stepping out onto the ice. I stood up, arms by my side, and moved towards him just as slow as he had. I kept my breath steady and focused in on the way Victor’s pupils dilated as he watched me walk. It was almost as electrifying as the kiss was. I had never felt more secure and wanted at the same time. I felt his eyes roam from my shoulders to my chest, down my legs, and back. When I grabbed the robe in his hands he winked at me, looking satisfied and proud.

We made it maybe three feet in the locker room before kissing again. I was becoming very quickly addicted to his lips and the warmth of his skin. With clothes on, we seemed more aware of each other and I noticed we stood even closer than we had before. 

As we walked back to our rooms, Victor held my hand. His smile was brighter than I had ever seen it, and I decided to concentrate on that instead of my growing nerves. At that point in time, I knew I was in love with him, but I didn’t know how far he wanted to take this or how much I was ready for. I might’ve been 23, but aside from a girl I kissed a couple of times growing up, I had never been with anyone. I had never even hugged people or touched them the way I did with Victor. When he first came to Hasetsu there was so much hugging, so much casual hand-holding, and arms thrown around each other. I had been so flustered at first, so caught off guard. No man or woman had ever been that forward or open with me. And then there was my idol, the man who made my heart beat faster, touching me, wanting to be close to me. 

When Victor first got here, I analyzed his interactions with everyone. I was looking for clarity, an explanation for this behavior. What I found was that as open and warm of a person he was, it was only me that he acted this way with. He didn’t hang off anyone else, stroke their cheeks, wrap their arms around them from behind. It was only… me. That knowledge made me feel so much warmth, but it also confused the hell out of me. From the moment we had first met, Victor had acted like we already were a couple. Like our love was mutual – from the very start. He touched me like we had touched before _like he knew he could_ like he knew I wanted it. And though I hadn’t realized it yet, he was right. 

Later, of course, I would find out that we actually had touched before - and quite intimately at that. In fact, we had spent an entire drunken night dancing in each other’s arms at a sports banquet that I didn’t – and still don’t – remember. The night had ended with me grinding all over him, inviting him to my family’s home, and confessing that I wanted him to be in my life. If I think too much about the details, I’ll throw up, so I have to move on. But basically, while I was confused as to why he was hugging me, he was confused as to why I wasn’t. I apparently made it crystal clear that I wanted him and then he showed up, flew to Japan, and I acted like we had never met. Do you know how strong and secure a person you have to be to stick around after that? Do you know how sure of yourself and your love you have to be to not immediately pack up and leave?

What this means is that this incredible life I now have is one I apparently had a large part in - and not the work of some crazy magic as I had originally thought. You see, I never knew the extent of the power I had within me. Never dreamed of a scenario in which I walked up to Victor and exposed my heart. As big of a believer as I thought I was, I truly didn’t l believe that I was capable of making my own dreams come true - even accidentally.

I fell in love with Victor bit by bit and then all at once. When I was young I had considered him unattainable and unreachable, but the more we got to know each other the closer into view he came. The man who I had once put upon a pedestal, reached out his hand, met me where I was, and pulled me up onto that stage with him. 

Looking back to that moment in the hallway, walking to our rooms after we had first kissed, there was so much I didn’t know. I didn’t yet know the extent of Victor’s patience, didn’t know the full truth of the love in his eyes or the spark I had ignited. I didn’t know that he had flown to Japan to get to know me and see for himself what the two of us could become.

Victor stopped in front of his door and kissed me lightly on the cheek. 

“Goodnight,” he had said with a growing fondness that I had begun to reciprocate. 

I then watched him disappear into his room and close the door. I remember standing alone in the hallway, looking at that closed door and smiling to myself.

When I think back to that day and those precious moments, I think of the soft way he said my name, the electricity I felt coursing through my entire body, his dilated pupils as I stood before him, and the phrase: _as real for you as it is for me._

  
  


The next morning, I would find Victor on the ice rink warming up and practicing footwork. Seeing him skate is always like seeing an Angel fly through the air — majestic and hopeful and oh so magical. I remember holding my breath and slowing my footsteps, not wanting to break the spell and disrupt his flow. But Victor, I learned, had somehow gotten attuned to my presence in the way I was attuned to his and he spotted me before I even had the chance.

“Yuuri!” he yelled and with excited glee, he skated towards me. 

I’m not sure why I ran to meet him when I could’ve so easily walked, but I remember feeling an inexplicable joy swell in my chest and my feet took off before my mind could catch up. When we embraced I felt his grip a little tighter, our bodies a little closer, and his face right up against mine.

“Good morning,” I had said, bringing our foreheads together. And he kissed me sweetly on the cheek before cupping my face and saying:

“You’re late.”

_Ladies and gentlemen: five-time-gold-medalist and amateur coach, Victor Nikiforov._

  
  


Throughout that skating season, we would become closer than I thought possible. Victor would kiss me on the ice in front of a packed stadium full of reporters. I would announce to the world I was skating for love, and then go on to prove it time and time again. I would buy us promise rings as good luck charms to keep each other close, subconsciously proposing to him, and making a fool of myself in front of my fellow competitors. Victor would graciously accept and tell me he wanted to stay with me forever. We would finally share the same bed and spend nights and lazy mornings memorizing the curses of each other’s bodies and kissing silent promises along our skin. 

Toward the end of the season, I would lose sight of my own ice skating dreams, them falling second to the one thing I loved more. I would push Victor to return to the ice and he would do so, but only on the condition that I agreed to come with him. My ice skating career, as it turned out, meant just as much to him as his ice skating career meant to me. 

Victor had inspired me to get out of my own way and take the final leap out of warm-up mode into the champions area. And I somehow inspired Victor in return. Offering praise and comfort, new challenges, and fun perspectives, but most of all, adding love to the world he lived in, making the world a brighter place for us and everyone else. 

You see, the thing about love is that it doesn’t just inspire us and give us hope. It fills us with purpose. It's the glue that ties our passions to our hearts. Love is our reason for being. When you find love, you have found the greatest treasure the world has to offer.

For me and Victor, the plan is to stay together for at least five world championships. But I can assure you, even after that, I’m never letting go.


End file.
